Thursday, July 17, 2014

Who I Am, and Who I Want to Become

I'm back from a Pacific NW vacation and on summer break from teaching. I'm 32, pregnant with our first baby, and in the last few years I've been trying to realize what I really want to do with my life and so I got serious and decided to make an actual decision. I'm writing today on who I am and who I want to become.

I wanted to be honest with myself and not settle on how I spend my days, what I can do everyday that is creative and handmade, and that I would love and be proud of. So after a ton of writing, thinking and "what if" scenarios, I decided on a gluten free bakery with an almond flour and natural sugars focus. I had to let go of my other ideas, even though they're good ideas, so that I could focus my time, money and energy on this blog and future bakery so it actually happens and can be successful.

What I didn't realize would happen is that making that decision has lead to this awesome focus, openness and clarity. Space for all of these other things in my life has come to the surface and I feel like I'm a little more centered and aware of who I really am and who I want to be.

From when I was a little girl, there were some things about me that just came naturally. I was so sure about them it was never even a thought that they weren't right for me. It turns out those things still apply today. I still love animals and am so happy that we adopted Clover. I love knowing about all sorts of things and I've learned that I do better with more information as opposed to keeping my head in the dark. I still love the mountains and want a country house one day, but I also love the beach and the little trails near our house. I'm still nice and friendly, but I've learned to also be assertive and trust my instincts. And I still value and want to live a life full of creativity, hand made goodness and variety.

As for who I want to become, I just love thinking about that as an option for your life. To me it means coming back to the basics of who you are and what you love and then making your life work for you. I don't want to shy away from life's very real responsibilities, and I want to be happy, fulfilled and grow as a person. I want to look back on these years of my twenties and thirties when I was a teacher, bought a house, adopted an amazing dog and had a baby and feel that I used them well. So who I want to become is a little unknown, but I do know that it starts with coming back to the basics of who I've been and who I am.

So now I'll be working on sprucing up the blog, learning how to start a bakery (even if it's out of a rental kitchen and a farmer's market stand), letting go of other interests and projects for a while, and thinking more about doing things that are right for me.

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