I've been thinking of posting about motherhood and I'm still not sure what I want to say. It's a huge topic, I don't necessarily want to take this blog in that direction and honestly I'm still just grappling with the whole idea.
Here's what I do know. That I have always wanted to be a mom, be pregnant, birth a baby and breastfeed and I feel so lucky that I have gotten to do all those things. Although none of them were as lovely or magical as I thought and hoped they would be and right now that makes me a little sad, but I'm giving myself time to work through that.
I think a lot of things with being a parent will feel better once I'm through them and looking back. That's proven true so far with having a newborn and making it through those first weeks. My husband and I both felt a little distant with James when he was brand new (and that makes me a little sad, embarrassed and guilty for feeling that way) but it's true so I'm putting it out there. Now that James is a little more predictable, breastfeeds like a champ, has filled out to feel more like a sweet baby and smiles and coos at us, our bond with him only gets better and stronger.
The best things so far are feeling like James has always been with us, when he breastfeeds and lays his little hand on my boob, holding him and leaning my head against his, and learning his signs and being able to give him what he needs.
My biggest issues right now are feeling frustrated with my body and my overall look, being away from James all day while I'm at work and he's at daycare, and dealing with money since we have to pay for daycare, will need a new car soon and I want to start renting a kitchen space. And looking back I wish that I had gotten a Doula. Knowing my personality and knowing now what my experience was like, I didn't quite get what I needed. I wanted more of a loving, supportive and spiritual journey through pregnancy and birth.
A few things that help me to stay positive and feel loved and supported is talking to my friends, having new mom friends who have babies around the same age, and reading blogs and sites that are supportive, healthy and inspiring. I've found I'm not as much of a book person when it comes to pregnancy and baby information because I like the ease of searching a topic and finding links right away- as opposed to reading through whole sections of books. I also like reading people's personal experiences with a topic, and I like taking a peek into the reality of their lives, even though it's virtual.
So these sites below are ones that I really like and wanted to share:
The Mama Circle Blog
Rebecca Egbert/The Mother Love and this Interview on Rugged & Fancy
A Cup of Jo Beauty Uniforms
Secrets of Stylish Moms on Say Yes